April 5, 2001
Doctor Starves to Death Waiting for Tisch Elevator
prominent NYU physician is dead today after he starved to death while waiting for an elevator in Tisch Hospital.
Dr. Seymor Buttes was last seen in the hospital's radiology department making copies of pelvic venograms at about 9:45am
last Wednesday. His emaciated remains were discovered by a member of the janitorial staff at 10:15pm in front of
the A elevators on the second floor. It was unclear how long the body been there.
"That was one nasty looking carcass," remarked Igor Karplanskinovich who first came across the doctor. "I was
just going about my monthly floor sweep and out of nowhere comes this god-awful stench. I walked around the
corner and there he was."
The elevators in Tisch Hospital have long been known to be a problem. Waiting times for an elevtor at the ground floor during
peak hours commonly exceed 45 minutes. Numerous complaints and even protests have been staged, but with no response
from hospital administration.
One administrator who preferred not to be identified told the Times, "Yeah sure people complain, but so what? If they don't like
how they are treated here then why don't they take their loved ones down the street to that hellhole Bellevue.
Besides, this actually works out better for us. You see, we don't like family visiting our patients. They just get
in the way, and they annoy the staff with all of their damn questions. This way, they won't want to come visit as often."
One medical student we spoke to, Michael Magnotti, had a slightly differing viewpoint. "I just don't understand
who in the world designs these buildings. Every hospital in this city has too few elevators. Everyone knows it.
You'd think that someone would just get it together and think to put in more. It's just completely ridiculous!"
Dr. Buttes, a proud member of the elite NYU proctology department, was just days away from being named department
chairman. He was well known as the world's expert on the pathology of external class IV hemorroids. He was 64 years
of age and is survived by his wife and three children. A private memorial service is planned for later this week.
